isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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