She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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