Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
