Whod you bang
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
