be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
