Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
