if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize