If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
