I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
