I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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