yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
