how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize