When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
