you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
