so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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