I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
