What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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