He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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