Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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