Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
