If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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