walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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