Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
