please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
