im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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