Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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