He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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