I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
