so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
