I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
