Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
