I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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