do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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