I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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