I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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