My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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