And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
