in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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