i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
