The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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