I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
