this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
