My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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