Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
