I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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