Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
