Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
