Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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