i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
