That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
