oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
