This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
