I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
