Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
