Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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