your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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