so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
