"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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