I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
