Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
