i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
