I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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