Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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