Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
