Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Will exercising make me less horny?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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