It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
